My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
