do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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