the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
