Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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