Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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