some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
