I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
