i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
