I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
