I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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