no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
