god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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