you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
