So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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