I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I think a kid would responsible me up
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
