So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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