you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize