k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize