i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
