So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
