Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
