The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
