You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize