hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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