P.S. I can't hear my feet
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize