Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
