I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
