i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
