so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
