Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
