omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
