just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
