So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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