On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
