you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
