he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
