I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
