she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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