It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
