Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
