All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
