Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
