Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
