just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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