I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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