I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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