I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
