Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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