please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
