Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize