Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
