I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
