bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
