Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
