Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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