They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
