You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
