She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
