He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
