The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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