He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
