Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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