so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
