6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
