I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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