is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
