i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize