How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
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