he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
false alarm, still single
Randomize
