We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Randomize
