Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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