You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
