the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
