True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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