Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
