She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
