Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Sober January is a disaster.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
